Don't get me wrong, I know I've come such a long way. My heart is mostly at peace, and most days, I am confident God has a plan for the girl I am now.
But often times, I can't help but wish I was on the other side of my current search for self, maybe ten or fifteen years from now–looking from the outside-in at whoever I become in the end.
And dear God, I hope that woman is not one who although swears off love and romance, only finds herself living her days with one wish; that she were somewhere on the other side of the Atlantic with a cute boy she's literally only met once.
because sadly, that's who I am now. haha.
But, as much as I could wish I was more "this", and less of "that"... one thing I do know for certain, is that God likes the woman I am now. He doesn't sit on His judgement seat daily wishing I would "find myself" or "be better". Yes, He want's me to be the very best version of myself but He also cares so deeply about my journey to that place.
And the truth is, there are many things the woman I must become, must learn from the one I am now.
So maybe, just maybe instead of breaking her down, I must learn to build her up.
I must learn to remind her, that she is not her mistakes and though falling so quickly is her biggest weakness, it's also her greatest strength. I must remind this woman, that she already knows who she is, what she is called to, and who she is meant to be. and that there is no way, she could ever miss that destiny because it was crafted specially, by a Designer who knew of the many phases she would walk through and all the mistakes she would make.
This Designer does not overlook the woman she is now, in desperation for one that is to come. He chose her, all while knowing she would mess up and learn things the hard way. But He also knew that He wouldn't have it any other way.
So here's to you; on the other side of where you may want to be, and here's to me–suddenly realizing I am where I need to be:
To the woman you are now, I salute you and I am already proud of you. You are learning to love your flaws and weaknesses because you know that they will only bring you to a place of deep reliance, on the One who has never wanted you as anything else, but as the truly authentic you.
and even as she messes up (and falls for southern boys), she will also be strengthened and encouraged to stay the course until the end. not just in the hopes of becoming the woman she thinks she must be, but because of the assurance that she is enough, even as she is now.
So be patient with her,
it may be a long time coming–but she'll (I'll) get there in the end.
With love,
Princess (the woman you know now)
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