self-medicating

i don't know where to begin

i've been lost; self-medicating

choosing to run and hide

instead of dealing with the lies

the lies that yell "you're no good"

and "He doesn't see you",

or that "you'll always fail",

and "He'll never come through"

it's been just a moment

i've chosen to walk away,

but in the space of these few days

nothing in me has felt the same

it's like everything i do is out of character;

lacking direction,

its like using vision

with no true perception

these lies, they tell a different story

of how You sent me to this place,

then left without showing Your glory,

of how you told me "go"

then went and left me wandering

i refused to call out,

i refused to come home

they told me you wouldn't listen,

they told me i was alone

in fight or flight, I chose to flee because

i believed truth no longer wanted me,

no longer chased after me,

no longer even saw me

who knew self-medicating

could only lead you into deeper frustration?

for a while there, i mixed up truth with a certain lie

but now You give me vision to clearly see,

there's never been one moment

You've ever forgotten me

now there's no more fighting on my own

truth is You've always been here,

wanting that I'd want you alone

this truth that sought me,

waits here for you too;

you can search this world and truly find,

no temporary distraction could ever satisfy

You were made for Love

and it was made for you

it doesn't change is mind,
there's simply nothing you could do