mediocre.

it's the night before my personality psych exam, and no, i am not prepared for it.
to further elaborate, i just spent the last hour and a half watching one of those critically acclaimed movies where it feels like it didn't end the right way, or they lost the script or something because it truly sucked.
but i learned something.
it's kinda funny but somehow eye-opening too.
do you ever notice how easy it is in movies to notice that someone deserves better in a relationship or friendship? that feeling of slight anger you get when the script isn't giving them enough power? that way that you know the girlfriend or boyfriend or best friend deserve so much more, that they deserve to be seen and valued, that they deserve to wake up to a kind of love that always feels like spring, even when there's a blizzard outside?
why is it so easy for us to see it for them?
why is it that much harder to see it for myself?
how often do i accept mediocre friendships, text mediocre guys, and settle for mediocre love?
is this life a movie? is there an audience mad at the script i'm living out too? are they yelling for me to get up and get out and move on and know how worth it i am? how worth it we are?
where does the courage to walk confidently come in?
how do i change the script?

imagine what it would feel like.




princess.

the weight of words

words change everything.
and if there is anything i am learning the hard way, it is this.

i have been met with some pretty tough and discouraging situations this year,
that have both challenged and changed me.

the gist of it all, is this:
despite my mistakes,
despite my poor choices,
God has shown me faithfulness and He has been good to me.
i've learned that although my words may change another's opinions of me,
it has never once affected God's view of me.

i am learning the wisdom in being quick to listen,
very slow to speak,
and even slower to anger.
i'm learning to extend the grace i give to others, to myself,
to see my humanness and my weakness
and to run straight into abba's arms with it.

i am not my own saviour, and i am not discounted by my shortcomings.
i need people & i need jesus.
everyday, my view of myself and the people He has placed
around me must be based solely on his truth.

i've noticed just how quickly my world falls apart when i am not based in truth
and i no longer need that wake up call.
i think its fair to say that in many ways, the last few months have been the greatest wake-up call because they have challenged what i believe about myself and Jesus, to be true.

but
i am learning
and i am grateful.
&
He is good to me.