I don't know where to begin.
All I know is that I came into it wanting one thing and one thing alone. I came wanting all of Him, needing less of me, and desiring above all, that I would come out different.
This past April, so many things pushed me to the edge until I knew I was at the end of myself. I was tired of allowing myself to keep being defined by broken things, I was tired of how easily I let the world devalue me, I was so tired of the endless in-head battle of "am I good enough" or worthy enough, or talented enough. I knew I needed something different, a new encounter and experience, and so everyday for the next four months, I would cry to God to shape me, to show me Himself, and to change me from the inside out. I begged him to bring something new out of me. I gave Him everything I was holding on to, and He came and met me in my empty.
Something has changed.
I don't know how to explain it, but I know that a new level of intimacy has been cultivated.
I know that a new level of confidence has been created.
I know even to myself, that I look different–because i feel so so different.
I am assured that God has began something great in me, I am certain that He is working even in the mundane.
It has been a summer of many firsts,
one of returning to old truths in the face of bold lies,
one of testing and of spontaneity.
A summer of letting go of the old
and trusting God for His very best.
Everything has come full circle and it is Fall again.
I am reminded each and everyday that things won't always turn out the way I want them to
yet I am convinced that my every disappointment paves way for His appointment. (and that is all I want anyway).
So
whatever it looks like,
I surrender.
I look forward confidently for all that is to come and has already begun.
He is a good Abba and I am learning to trust Him all over again.
With Love,
Princess
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