Anxiety

I've dealt with anxiety for as long as I can remember. It shows up when I meet with friends, when I sit in lectures, and even when I sit alone. In my life, anxiety stems from a root of fear; a fear of failure, a fear of the opinions of others and most importantly, a fear of losing control.

I could talk about this 'A' word for days because it has been a constant companion in the last year. It steals my peace and my joy, and when I begin to care more about what others may think of me, it steals my authenticity too. I begin to speak less, show up less, and hide more. I begin to wither away because I am afraid to be bold.

Last night, I showed up the usual Friday evening gathering with friends for some worship and prayer and before the night even began for me, it had already ended. I had again, in less than two weeks, run into a person I no longer wanted to be associated with and my heart dropped multiple levels because I felt like God had failed me again. This guy reminded me of things I wanted to forget and seeing less of him made the process so much easier.

I remember as we sang songs later that night, how Anxiety lied to me and stole my focus by bringing a fear that he would show up again. It was thought, after thought, after thought of "what if he's the next person that walks into this room" or, "what if he randomly shows up outside my door tonight just to 'talk'", and so on...
I remember feeling the usual panic rise up within me and the gentle whisper of a friend beside me asking if I was okay. And as we kept singing worship to God, I let His truth remind me that everything was going to be okay. I was not my mistakes and He had not failed me. He was looking out for me and caring for me.

I don't have all the answers on how to deal with anxiety but something I am certain of is that whenever anxiety shows up, so does God. And He is a constant companion. There is truth to had in the midst of lies and it is this truth that speaks the loudest.

Practically, some of the best ways to deal with anxiety is to combat it with the things that bring you peace. For me, it is lighting a candle, laying down and listening to some worship/soothing music. Sometimes, it is reading, journaling or praying that help me rest and breathe. When I pray, it is my way of giving God control again, giving him my anxiety and my fear and taking hold of His peace instead.
I now recognize how important it is to take some time for yourself each day to do some of these things that make breathing a little easier. It could an hour or 10 minutes but regardless of the time spent, these peaceful activities will help bring clarity for all your anxiety.

with Love,

Princess