Broken perceptions

How insane is it to realize that every single time we choose another person's opinion of us over what God thinks of us, we are idolizing that person as greater than God. Woah. It's like saying to someone, "your opinion of me is way more important than what God thinks. You define me, your words define me".

I'll be the first to admit that I do this all. the. time. When so much of my worth is found in a mere HUMAN'S opinion of me, I also give them the right to take it away whenever they please.

This is so far from what God wants for us. Can you imagine a world where people walked, lived and breathed, knowing they were defined by God and God alone? I know that if I lived like this daily, fear would have no place in my life. It would have no hold of me—it would not keep me silent, it would not make me speak. Fear would have no place in me.

I long for this greater freedom and I know that each day I am getting closer to it. God longs for me, He cares for me and He speaks truth over me. His validation and acceptance are the only things my soul needs. They are the only things that can make me whole and the only things that will really bring me joy.

I am realizing that the only way to grow in this area is to spend more time listening to truth and letting it break down my need for human validation. I am not what a guy thinks of me, I am not what my parents think of me, I am not what my grades tell me. I will not see my worth through the lens of human acceptance or rejection. I will not see my worth through the eyes of broken people. Broken people have broken perceptions too. What they think cannot be my truth. Broken people can be wrong too.

Why let brokenness define you?

The One who made you desperately longs that you would see yourself as He sees you, and that for the first time you would allow Him to shake the core of what you really believe about yourself.
Your worth cannot be measured by broken perceptions and failing people. You cannot depend on fragility for something so definite as Worth.

The ground-breaking truth is that when God made you, He also chose you and defined you as His. He knows what He has placed in you, He knows what you are worth. You are more than the goals you have, you are more than clothes you wear. You are more than how well you perform. You. are. more. 

If you've ever let broken people define you, it's not too late to start up a new way of life. Each and everyday, you will get to make decisions about whose hands you let your worth fall into. I'm choosing to let a perfect God who knows me best, define me best.

There is no greater freedom; there is no greater joy.


with love,

Princess.

slow mornings; a concept

it's a slow Sunday morning,

the rain beats gently against your window pane

you turn over to the sound of it's quiet patter

with sleep clouding your vision,

you rise clumsily from last nights warmth;

placing your feet on the cold wooden floor.

with each step you take, your senses awaken again.

in rhythm and routine,

you set the kettle on the stove, pull the beans from the cupboard;

grinding them into coarse dust

moments later, the smell of reviving coffee begins to saturate the air

sighing deeply,

you smile

the window to your left now foggy and wet

with the steady patter of cold winter rain,

you reach out for your favourite yellow mug

and pour into it, the rich warmth of another

slow morning.

slow mornings

I live for slow mornings. They are my absolute favourites. The thought of having no agenda, no plan or pressing need, is more than inviting. And on mornings like these, I love to ease myself into the day.
I will usually start by slow cooking some oatmeal with berries, chia & sunflower seeds and a dash of cinnamon. Then I like to heat up some water for my french press coffee (my very favourite part of the day).
I love to draw my curtains open and lay my bed first thing, before settling down with my journal, pen and Jesus Calling devotional.

Quiet music and a candle help to set the atmosphere for  ultimate relaxation. Typically, once I am done reading, I set down a few goals for the rest of the afternoon and try to complete as much as possible, without stressing myself out.

There's something special about living slowly with intention. It brings my soul so much ease and declutters my brain from all the "to-do's" of the day.
Something I am gradually learning to do, is to complete my most pressing and important tasks first and setting smaller goals rather than expecting to get through an entire weeks worth of work in a day.

I believe that we get to create an atmosphere of rest by making intentional decisions towards it. For example, choosing to wake up two hours earlier than normal just so you can start your day slowly, is such an easy and attainable goal.

My hope for 2018 is to incorporate and intentionally create ways to live slowly, into the business of everyday life.

With love,

Princess

an ocean for me

Someone once asked me; "have you ever had your heart broken?". 

Instantly, I replied yes. Then after a few moments of silence, 

a thought came to me. 

Although I have been hurt and wounded from an almost love, 

I solemnly choose to not be among the walking wounded. 

I do not want to fall into the sad category of the 'once broken' or the 'still healing'. 

I am whole, I am happy, and my heart is in one piece. 

I will not be subjected by my past hurts, and neither will I be victim to them. 

I do not need those pitiful "I am sorry's" from friends and strangers. 

I have been hurt, but I am not broken. 

If man did not make me, how dare he think he can break me? 

I am a girl defined by Love that does not break hearts. 

I am not a man-made beach,

 my waves were not carried in buckets and poured into an ocean. 

This skin and these bones were not human-carved, 

but God-formed and the only thing I will be broken by, 

is a desire to know this Maker more than I do now, 

and the overwhelming revelation that His Love is an ocean for me.

drifting

I've pretended not to notice that like lovers, 

we too now drift apart

life has taken a different turn

and those moments we promised each other forever,

is like the sweet innocence of kids who never learn—

that life does not slow its pace

so that friendships can catch up

and each phone call or text is just another effort to shorten the distance,

but it does not remove the reality

that what we had once was special, but we do not get another chance 

There are people who mean more to each of us now 

there are boys who've stolen your hearts,

and a fear that's stolen mine

we are preoccupied by these significant others

and with each passing day,

what we lose becomes harder to gain

I've learned time cannot be undone in four minute catch-ups

It does not happen,

these lost moments cannot be regained

We once promised 'togethers' forever

but we'll be lucky enough if we do not 

forget each other

Rain

Give me soft music, and your quiet eyes

give me rainy days, laying by your side

there is nothing more perfect, or worth it to me

than this moment, where you speak

you whisper softly;

"you're where I wanna be,

and if tomorrow didn't come, you're more than i need"

so give me rain

& a gentle breeze,

give me you,
I'll give you

me

Anxiety

I've dealt with anxiety for as long as I can remember. It shows up when I meet with friends, when I sit in lectures, and even when I sit alone. In my life, anxiety stems from a root of fear; a fear of failure, a fear of the opinions of others and most importantly, a fear of losing control.

I could talk about this 'A' word for days because it has been a constant companion in the last year. It steals my peace and my joy, and when I begin to care more about what others may think of me, it steals my authenticity too. I begin to speak less, show up less, and hide more. I begin to wither away because I am afraid to be bold.

Last night, I showed up the usual Friday evening gathering with friends for some worship and prayer and before the night even began for me, it had already ended. I had again, in less than two weeks, run into a person I no longer wanted to be associated with and my heart dropped multiple levels because I felt like God had failed me again. This guy reminded me of things I wanted to forget and seeing less of him made the process so much easier.

I remember as we sang songs later that night, how Anxiety lied to me and stole my focus by bringing a fear that he would show up again. It was thought, after thought, after thought of "what if he's the next person that walks into this room" or, "what if he randomly shows up outside my door tonight just to 'talk'", and so on...
I remember feeling the usual panic rise up within me and the gentle whisper of a friend beside me asking if I was okay. And as we kept singing worship to God, I let His truth remind me that everything was going to be okay. I was not my mistakes and He had not failed me. He was looking out for me and caring for me.

I don't have all the answers on how to deal with anxiety but something I am certain of is that whenever anxiety shows up, so does God. And He is a constant companion. There is truth to had in the midst of lies and it is this truth that speaks the loudest.

Practically, some of the best ways to deal with anxiety is to combat it with the things that bring you peace. For me, it is lighting a candle, laying down and listening to some worship/soothing music. Sometimes, it is reading, journaling or praying that help me rest and breathe. When I pray, it is my way of giving God control again, giving him my anxiety and my fear and taking hold of His peace instead.
I now recognize how important it is to take some time for yourself each day to do some of these things that make breathing a little easier. It could an hour or 10 minutes but regardless of the time spent, these peaceful activities will help bring clarity for all your anxiety.

with Love,

Princess

Who I am, Who I believe in.

Who I am, Who I believe in

I believe in a healthy soul.
I firmly believe that unless my soul is healthy and well taken-care of, I cannot be. See, I may have a healthy body and lifestyle, but I cannot have a healthy mind or live a truly healthy life until my soul is healthy.
There are a few things in my life that contribute to how I take care of my soul. The biggest and most important of all these, is Jesus. He is the very core of all that I am and the very essence of what I believe. It is in Him and from Him that I long for, hope and aspire to do all else.
It is this relationship with Jesus, that I prioritize above all others. My constant friendship and communion with Him helps adjust my perspective and ensures that my mindset, goals and emotions are all in balance with His very best for me.
I have not always had a healthy soul, and I do not mean to imply that I now have the most healthy soul out there. However, I am suggesting and even enforcing that without a relationship with Jesus, I would be worse off than I am now, and my soul would in the poorest of conditions.
With this platform, I hope to journey along with others in finding the balance and health our souls need because everything we do flows out of what we truly believe and whatever truth we live out on the deepest parts of our being.

So, how's your soul today?