I see colour.

oh you don't see colour? how nice for you.
I see colour every day.
I see it in the way that people look at me,
I see it in the comments that people make.

I see it in the way it enters a room before I do.
I see it in the way it's speaks my worth and place in society, before I can say a word.
I see it in the way it tells the story of my ancestors and the injustices they faced.

I see it in the bleeding, dying man, lying on cold pavement under his oppressors knees.
I see it in every plead for justice each broken State demands, as its requests are tear-gassed and violently hindered.

I see it in the life-sentences dished out in response to disproportionate crimes,
I see it in the wrongfully convicted brothers and sisters.
I see it in the comfortable lives lived by my white friends and allies.

I see it in spaces made in the corporate world for the white girl who is just like me, but white.
I see it in the ways my mother warns my brother as he leaves the house at night,
I see it in the ways my father begs me to not move to the United States.

I see it in the eyes of George Floyd and in the limp of Ahmaud Arbery,
I see it in the sneers of white supremacists.
I see it in the declaration that "all lives matter", when only one is at stake.

I see it in the blind optimism that racist ideologies and systematic injustices are in no way as bad as what our grandparents faced
I see it when I ask God "why?"

I see colour everywhere I step my feet.
yes,
I see colour every time I look at me.

a good omen to the college days

i guess i never realized how much this pandemic affected my hopes on what final year at uni would look like. it's as i sit here typing up the most monotonous philosophical reading that i think i am finally feeling it all.

no more tedious ethics lectures.
no more last minute coffees making me late to class.
no more catching up with friends at the spoke.
no more spoke bagels.
no more hopeful introductions to TA's and Professors in vain attempt to win their subjectivity in marking.
no more morning shifts at the psychology lab.
no more sucking of useful information from the grad and post doc students for my future marked with academia.
no more coding of affect.
no more resisting the allure of persistent friends to bring you out to the bar on a thursday night.
no more mental breakdown snapchats to the group chat.
no more swearing off boys because you should've known better.
no more midnight cram sessions with tiffany over sushi in my dimly lit college bedroom.
no more crying on the staircase in middlesex to my best friend maddie.
no more leaving my drive way five minutes before clocking in at urban.
no more walking into work and seeing all my best friends on shift with me.
no more roomie dinners and raptors game nights.
no more college.

it's as if in a blink of an eye, all these moments became memories.
and just like that, we were packing up 4 years worth of clothing,
stripping down memories from our walls and
leaving thoughtful gifts on our friends doorsteps
–an omen to the good old days,
an end we would have never imagined,
and goodbyes that came sooner than our hearts could catch up to.

Something new // meet me in my empty

dream