do you ever feel so many miles away from who you were created to be?
lately its been every day.
and i've been meaning to come home for so long,
but it's felt like going against the current
i think i am now realizing that
the only way to beat the current is to rest and not fight it.
i was, for a while there, fighting it on my own and failing miserably.
but today i am floating;
letting the waves bring me home
living more intentionally,
living with open hands again.
hands that say "abba, i want to hold on to nothing else the way i hold to you".
so now i welcome the detours, i welcome the days that feel impossible, i welcome the open doors, his "yesses" and his "no's".
today, he said, "not yet"
and i will be okay anyway.
His goodness is wrapped up in mystery and safety
it looks like protection always,
and it looks like "not-yets" sometimes
theres a song that says; "it feels like coming home for the first time in a long time"
and thats what each day is starting to feel like.
like a step towards home again,
another route thats leading me back to Him,
and consequently, to me again.
you never know how good Home feels,
until you've gone wandering
and come up empty.
i'm coming home and it feels so good again.
