I could yell to a bunch of believers in a room about the the joy of the Secret Place for the rest of my life and it would mean absolutely nothing if it is not shown in my love. I realize that I am selfish. I often look out for my own interests instead of the interests of those around me. I give to the extent I have received, and I only love to the extent I am loved.
I don't love my enemies.
I don't over-exert myself for them.
I love my friends, and those who are easy to love. and whenever I am challenged to love beyond the limits I know (especially where someone I dislike is concerned), I complain and breakdown and feel cheated because it goes beyond a measure I am comfortable with. But isn't this His measure of love?
the truth is, my level of intimacy with God, how much I may know and love him means nothing if it is not poured out daily to those around me. It's a hard pill to swallow, and to be honest I'm kind of choking. But it is still truth. and my struggle to believe this, only reiterates my need for it.
If how much I love Jesus, doesn't challenge me to become less and place others before myself, am I just wasting my time? Because who is this relationship changing? what walls does this relationship break? How does it heal broken people? How is it setting those in chains free? What am i doing that's making a difference? and is it all for me?
I don't know why it has taken me so long to realize this. But I am nothing, if I am not the outpouring of His love. i am nothing, if I don't show the same grace He constantly shows me. I am nothing, if i am not surrendering everything. i am nothing
so truth is, i am selfish.
i find it hard to love hard people.
i find it hard to give them grace.
yet i forget that i am this hard person.
that sometimes i am unlovable
and He chooses me still.
i know that where it all begins to change, is when my love for Him is seen in my love them.
So Abba, would you teach me to love well.
princess
